$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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