I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
