we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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