the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
