he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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