if you like me you must not know who I am
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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