you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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