i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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