sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
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I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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