I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
