matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
