Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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