I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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