my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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