Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
