The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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