Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
