Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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