I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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