so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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