i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
