If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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