Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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