You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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