party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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