Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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