I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
