after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
