I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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