i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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