that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am available for nakedness
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
