I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS