so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.