I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?