dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.