whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.