So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
