??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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