Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
