if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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