Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
too bad you live with your parents still
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
