I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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