ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
