My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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