im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
