i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
