life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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