I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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