when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
