You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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