the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
