she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
