He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
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But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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