There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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