I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
