so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
