My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
