it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
