Me. At least after what I've been through.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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