Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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