i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
