Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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