I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
