I CAN MOONWALK!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
